The Astonishing Bravery of the Son I Lost
I wish he'd been a little less so, to be honest.
When Christopher was 14, I took him to the top of the John Hancock building in Chicago because I grew up in the city and I wanted to show him where I'd spent a lot of time when I was his age. While there, we decided to give the 360 Chicago Experience a try, which involves propping yourself against specific windows outfitted with hydraulics that tilt you face down for a bird’s eye view of the street from 1,000 feet in the air.
I'm so terrified of heights it's not even funny, and Christopher wasn't a huge fan of heights either, but he wanted to give it a try. I leaned against the window with my eyes closed and hyperventilated, but Christopher kept his cool and checked out the scenery. He did great, I almost passed out, and it remains one of my favorite memories we shared.
He was so brave.
Later that year, we took Christopher on his first cruise. The entire experience was new to him, but he made fast friends with people his own age because he has so much charm and charisma. During that week, he also went dancing, wanted to sign up for karaoke, and rode a jet ski for the first time. You know what I didn't do on that cruise? Go dancing, sing at karaoke, or ride a jet ski, because I'm a fraidy-cat about those things, but I loved being with Christopher and cheering him on as he jumped way outside of his comfort zone.
He was so brave.
I took Christopher to get his first tattoo. It was very intricate and took hours, but he toughed it out because he wanted that ink more than anything in the world.
He was so brave.
The last time I saw Christopher was when I took him to the airport because he had something to do out of state. As I said before, "He was troubled about leaving, but always put other people first and his mind was made up. I was troubled as well, but I supported his decision to go." I understood his reasons, but my heart still broke for him.
He was so brave.
My son only ever wanted others to be happy. He'd give away his last penny, last drink of water, or last warm blanket if it made someone else's life even a tiny bit easier. Christopher wanted to spend his life in service to others; first the military, then as a first responder. He wanted to volunteer with organizations that work with a specific segment of the underserved.
Christopher wanted to help anyone, anytime, anywhere. He was the most altruistic person I’ve ever met and it bothered him terribly when he couldn’t make things right for someone. He certainly never wanted to disappoint anyone.
Christopher was 18 when he took his life.
Yes. He was brave then too.
Because, you see, if Christopher couldn't make everyone happy then he wanted to at least make sure he wasn't the source of anyone's unhappiness.
So I guess you could say my son also gave his life.
He was so brave.
Yes he was brave and so are you. Life sometimes gives us unthinkable obstacles or mountains to climb. As we age we learn how these hurdles makes us stronger and able to deal with other problems that get in our way. Eventually the memories of the things that effected us so traumatically lessen. They certainly do not ever go away. We keep them in a deep part of our heart and remember the special times or people that gave us love and peace.