Online and In-Person Support Groups For Bereaved Parents (Updated 7/21)
Plus, tips for attending your first meeting
To be included in this resource list, email me at lisa@lisamcgreevy.com.
One of the most challenging parts of managing the overwhelming grief of losing a child is finding the right support. Friends and family are definitely a resource, but it’s also common to want to meet other parents who deeply understand that this loss is different from losing a grandparent or sibling (which is also the point of this newsletter). All grief is equally important, but it’s okay to be selective in the type of support you’re looking for.
There are a multitude of support communities on websites like Facebook and Reddit; some groups are even email-based. But if you’re looking for virtual groups that meet over the phone, in video calls, or via real-time chat, this is the list for you.
There are far fewer online meetings now that pandemic restrictions are loosening, so I’ve updated this list to also include a few links to find in-person meetings. It’s not exhaustive resource because it’s impossible to keep up with the internet, but it should be enough to get you headed in the right direction.
Video, Phone, Chat, and In-Person Support for Grieving Parents
All the resources on this list are currently free.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: (Phone, virtual video, in-person) Group and individual volunteer-led support for parents bereaved by suicide.
Bereaved Parents of the USA: (Virtual video, in-person) General parent support.
Children’s Bereavement Center: (Virtual video) General parent support in English and Spanish.
Compassionate Friends: (Real-time group chat, phone, in-person) General parent support, suicide loss, bereaved less than two years and more than two years, loss to substance-related causes, no surviving children, pregnancy and infant loss.
First Candle: (Virtual video) Support for pregnancy and infant loss
Friends for Survival: (Virtual video, in-person) Support for grieving mothers.
GriefShare:(Phone, virtual video, in-person) Huge database of local groups around the country and a great resources for finding other grieving parents in your area. Most meetings are currently video or phone-based due to the coronavirus, but some may eventually transition back to in-person meetings. Search by zip code, city, or state.
Grieving Moms Finding Hope: (Virtual video) Ministry-based support for bereaved moms, mothers who lost a young child, mothers of suicide loss.
HealGrief: (Virtual video, in-person, and AN APP!) Child loss support. Free registration required.
Parents of Murdered Children: (Virtual video and in-person) Support for parents whose child died by violence
SUDC Foundation: (Virtual video) Newly bereaved parents coping with sudden unexplained death in childhood (SUDC). Also offers monthly meetings just for fathers.
Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors(TAPS): (Virtual video, in-person, chat) Support for parents grieving the death of a child in the military, including a “moms mentoring moms” program and child loss by suicide.
VITAS Healthcare: (Virtual video) Parents grieving children under 18 years of age.
Tips for Attending a Virtual Grief Support Group
I’m a pretty outgoing person, but the idea of attending a grief support group terrified me. It was way too stressful, too scary. Even the idea made me feel too…vulnerable. But I knew it was something I eventually wanted to try because I felt so alone trying to deal with something so painful.
It took me about six months to find a local support group that looked like a good fit for me and then work up the courage to go. I circled the date on my calendar and steeled myself for the first meeting.
As luck would have it, the group was temporarily suspended when the pandemic began marching across the U.S., so I never got to go. Not gonna lie, I was moderately relieved.
But a promise is a promise (even if it’s made to your grief counselor and not yourself). The group moved to a call-in format and, eventually, to Zoom video calls. It was a good call, but not quite what I was looking for. Fortunately, I’ve been to others since and had really great experiences. Well, as good as they can be, considering the circumstances.
I know it’s common to feel uncomfortable (or terrified!) about attending your first grief support group meeting. Adding on the complexity of virtual interaction with strangers takes it to a whole new level. Here are some tips to help you find a group that’s a good fit for you.
Ask around
Word-of-mouth referrals are the best way to begin sorting through your options. Of course, many vilomahs don’t know any other parents who’ve lost children, so it can be hard to find recommendations this way.
Shop around
You don’t need to stick with the first group you attend if you don’t like it. I promise no one will be offended if you don’t return after your initial meeting. Moderators know a group can’t be all things to all people, so they’d rather you attend a meeting you’re comfortable with rather than stay in one that’s not meeting your needs.
Cast a wide net
So many support groups meet over the phone or online these days, so feel free to look outside your local area for meetings. Although tons of groups have moved online permanently, you may want to restrict your search to your area if you ultimately want to go to in-person meetings. Otherwise? Go wild. I attended a virtual meeting five states away once and met a lot of really nice people.
Phone call or video meeting?
Each call-in method has its pros and cons, so it ultimately boils down to personal preference. Phone-based meetings feel a little less vulnerable since no one can see you, but it’s very hard to stay organized and not talk over each other when there are several people on the call.
Meetings flow a bit better on video thanks to visual conversation cues, but it can be a bit jarring to talk to a screen with a bunch of unfamiliar faces on it. Food for thought as you choose the type of meeting to attend.
It’s okay to cry. Buckets, even.
We are so conditioned to keep a brave face and not cry in front of strangers, lest they be uncomfortable with our grief1. If ever there was a place where it’s totally acceptable to cry your guts out, it’s in a bereavement support group. No one will bat an eye ‘cause they’ve all been there too.
One of the first meetings I ever went to was a Zoom call with a support group out west. The instant the cameras came on and the meeting started, I burst into tears and ugly cried for probably 10 minutes straight. No, seriously, this was a full-on nose-blowing, hiccup-talking, makeup-ruining sob fest. I waved my hand in the universal “go on without me” sign, and caught up when I could. I tried apologizing later but they said it happens allllll the time.
Expect a couple of questions
You won’t need to provide a ton of personal information to moderators to gain a meeting invitation, but they will probably ask a couple of questions for the general well-being of the group. The most I’ve ever been asked is my first name, the name and relation of the person I lost, and how long ago it was.
Despite how reluctant I was about attending a grief support group, it’s been a very positive experience. Virtual meetings are a better fit for me than in-person groups, so I’m grateful for the variety of choices offered online these days. I just wish I didn't need to be there at all.
Thanks for reading this edition of The Vilomah Project newsletter. If you’d like to share it to help grieving parents find and support each other, I’d be grateful. Subscribers are always welcome.
Until next week, then.
Be well.
Lisa
That’s a whole other conversation we’ll have in an upcoming newsletter.